The following post contains SPOILERS — both real and fake ones — for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

This is all James Gunn’s fault. The writer/director of the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise left so many plot threads dangling in the first movie, fans couldn’t help but imagine what came next. Who was Peter Quill’s dad? What was the deal with Yondu? What was Thanos up to next? Would any other Guardians from the original Marvel comics show up? What did Gunn expect the internet to do? Not spend the next three years speculating wildly (and mostly inaccurately) about his plans? Yeah no. That’s not how it works.

Gunn’s clever teasing of his super-team’s future inspired a whole bunch of rumors about Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and, as is often the case with blockbusters these days (see this or this or this), the vast majority of these rumors turned out to not be true. We have collected 25 such rumors for your perusal; we find they’re best read aloud along with a response in the Ron Howard Arrested Development voice. (“Yondu is Peter Quill’s real dad!” “He wasn’t his real dad,” and so on.)

25 Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Rumors That Turned Out to Be False

1. “We've learned that the film currently on slate for the May 6, 2016 (EDIT: source has clarified it will be sometime in 2016 ... not necessarily on May 6, 2016) date is ... Guardians of the Galaxy 2!” — JoBlo

2. “Many fan theories have the aforementioned Adam Warlock as the man who fathered Star-Lord.” — iDigitalTimes

3. “Yondu is Peter Quill’s real dad.” — What Culture

4. “We're starting to see some clues that might point to Starhawk being Quill's father.” — Melty

5. “According to four of my independent sources, in fact four individuals who do not know each each tell me that Peter Quill’s father is none other than Captain Marvel.” — Heroic Hollywood

6. “Drax’s daughter is still alive.” — What Culture

7. “Is James Gunn teasing a Thor cameo?” — Collider

8. “Al Pacino might seriously be in Guardians of the Galaxy 2.” — Cinema Blend

9. “Thanos will be coming for the Guardians in 2017.” — HitFix

10. “James Gunn has firmly stated that Hulk will not appear in Guardians of the Galaxy 2. However, there could be the slimmest of chances that Gunn is trying to lead us off course, and it wouldn’t be the first time that a filmmaker has lied about a character in their film. We’re not saying that Hulk is going to have a major part in the sequel, but it’s always possible that he could show up in a minor role.” — Cinema Blend

11. “Certain sectors of the web reckon that Chris Evans’ Captain America will show up at some point, presumably to tease Avengers: Infinity War.” — What Culture

12. “It’s also been rumored Back To The Future’s Christopher Lloyd has a small role, perhaps as either the voice of Martinex or Vance Astro?”— Cosmic Book News

13. “Amazon’s new storefront for [Guardians] merchandise is broken down by each of the main heroes in the movie ... and then, for some strange reason, the obscure Marvel superhero Darkhawk. Which is a very bizarre inclusion, unless Darkhawk actually has something to do with the movie.” — io9

14. “A completely baseless rumour article also suggested that Vision will pop up in Guardians 2. In all honesty, it's probably not worth holding your breath for any Avengers cameos.” — What Culture

15. “At least one Avenger shows up.” — What Culture (posted six weeks after #14 article)

16. “The Elders will be an integral part of Guardians of the Galaxy 2. The report describes the Elders as “the impetus for Star-Lord to seek out Ego the Living Planet.” — Schmoes Know (via ScreenRant)

17. “There are reportedly at least four Elders in Guardians 2, but only two that are definitively known: The Collector, played by Benicio del Toro in the first Guardians movie, and Ayesha, played by Elizabeth Debicki (The Night Manager). Director James Gunn has previously said that The Collector would not appear in Vol. 2., but Schmoes Knows report disputes this.” — Schmoes Know (via ScreenRant)

18. “In the comics, Ayesha (a.k.a. Kismet, a.k.a. Her) has a son with Quasar, who becomes known as Starhawk. Their son has become an important part of the new Guardians comic series, which is called Guardians 3000. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2's working title is Guardians 3000. Coincidence? We think not.” — Melty

19. “Korvac is the real Big Bad.” — What Culture

20. “The Collector is in it after all.”— What Culture

21. “[Carol Danvers] was rumored to make a cameo in Avengers: Age Of Ultron, but ... Marvel could have easily moved her cameo to Guardians of the Galaxy 2 instead.” —

22. “Long story short, it looks like Stallone will be playing a soldier for the Nova Corps.” — Villains Smash

23. “Is Sly playing Charlie-27?” — Cosmic Book News

24. “Some fans have been wondering when Guardians favourite Adam Warlock will be turning up – perhaps Stallone is him?” — Express

25. “Sylvester Stallone wears his Judge Dredd uniform.” — What Culture

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