It’s Hot As Balls: A Truly Southern Poem About This Heat
If you haven't seen the forecast, we are entering the Dog Days of Summer, and things are going to be brutal. It's not good enough that we're experiencing some of the hottest weather we've have in a few years, Mother Nature has to call in some true pipe-hitting temps to really just let us know how insignificant we humans are.
There is one good thing that comes out of these extreme temperatures though... I don't have to mow the lawn, because that grass isn't growing. Don't get me wrong, I love mowing my lawn. It's one of my simple stress-relieving pleasures in life... But when it's 100+ degrees, it's miserable and I don't want to be miserable.
"But weeds love this heat!"
True story. Weeds will grow in just about every condition. Rainy, dry, hot, cold... Weeds don't care. Luckily, I spend every Spring ridding my yard of weeds. That way, when the heat hits, I just stay inside and normally drink my lemonade, but for some reason I have a cabinet full of pink lemonade. It's still good, but it threatens my fragile masculinity. I know before too long, the temps will be back in the upper 80's and low 90's, the grass will pop out of dormancy, and we'll all be out there again, mowing grass that just won't stay short in a climate of jungle-butt. It's a real thing, google it.
Reminder, don't chug cold refreshing beverages when you're hot. Your body will revolt and send you into cold-water shock. It's a real thing. If the drink has to be cold, take sips. If you're thirsty and need it now, room temp water is king. Your hands and feet (extremities) will appreciate it.