Things I Wish Waiters/Waitresses Would Stop Saying

I know that being a waitress is not an easy job.  I've been there, done that.  It's a great way to get to know the locals.  I also know that it takes a great deal of restraint not to say things to some of your clientele like, "you've had the menu for 45 minutes, how hard is it to choose a burger and fries?"  or "Really? Does your child have to throw ALL the crackers on the floor?"  Well, I totally get that but here are some things you should never say, especially if you want a big tip;

• "Sorry, we can't seat you until your entire party arrives." - Really?  Why not?  What difference does it make if there are 10 people in my party and we are waiting on 2?

• "Is diet Pepsi ok?" - NO!  It's not ok.  Diet Coke tastes nothing like Diet Pepsi so don't ask me if it's ok.  Just let me know you don't have Coke or tell me to look at the menu again.

• "Are you still working on that?" - If my silverware is laying on the plate then I'm done.  If I'm still shoving food into my mouth I will stab your hand with my fork!

• "Did you save any room for dessert?" - Do you see my eyeballs poking out of my head?  I'm FULL!

• "Would you like the change back?" - You want a tip? That is probably the worst thing you can say to me.  How about "I'll be right back with your change."

When taking my order, please don't sit down with me in the booth or crunch down to table level.  I don't like that.  I don't care how friendly you think it is, it's ookie to me, too familiar.

Oh and one more thing, please don't stop by the table every 5 minutes to find out if I need anything else, how are things tasting, would you like more tea, etc.   It's not necessary.  Just check back when it looks like I'm almost finished or my glass is half empty.  You don't have to hover but also don't make yourself scarce either.  There is a fine line.

I know you work hard, I truly do because I was a waitress for years.   Just be aware of how you are presenting yourself to your customer.

What is the one thing you wish your waiter/waitress would stop saying or doing?